Divorcee Cafe

Loosen up, Buttercup!

Holidays have a habit to heighten emotions at an already crazy time in a single parent’s life. No matter how you slice it or dice it, there will be stress somewhere.

As we watch our Littles, divorce is a friggin’ blinking beacon like lights on the Christmas tree. Guilt begins to well up inside us as we wish that they didn’t have to struggle because of our decision. The need to fill that other-parent void becomes overpowering and there is the tendency to over-do to somehow make up for it.

Stop! Loosen up and let go of making believe life can and will be perfect after divorce, especially at the holidays.

We all want approval that we can do it and that we are doing it right post divorce.

I love you, but you will never get approval or acceptance from that outside that is more important than it coming from the inside. Hanging ornaments on a Christmas tree may make it pretty for a week, but there is no life force emanating from inside. It’s made to look pretty for a week or so and then tossed aside. Stop treating your life like a Christmas tree!

Because of the heighten awareness of what’s missing this season, what can you do to flip that to acceptance of what you have?

So many of us focus on making sure that others see our viewpoint as the right one. There is no right, there is no wrong..It just is. Your life is viewed by others from their viewpoint, from their life view. It doesn’t negate your story, but their view does not need to validate it. It makes us human to imprint our own ideologies onto someone else’s situation. This is why it is so important to really own your stuff and recognize your truth. Your light will shine because you have gotten to know and accept yourself, warts and all. That light emanating from within outward makes you more beautiful because it’s real and true.

Release control of needing to be perceived in a certain way, loosen the grips tightly holding on to how you want people to see you and look inward.

You are ok and doing the best that you can. You love your children and yourself enough to step into a crazy life with little acknowledgment or high-fives at the the end of the day.

Know that you are not alone in all this. We all are in this boat together navigating the choppy seas. Now, relax a bit, pour yourself a glass of wine and take a moment to appreciate all the love that surrounds and supports you!



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